Happiness is a Lie

Happiness doesn't seem to happen anymore. It's all one can do from going crazy in life. Friendship seem to crash right in front of your eyes. People who you love the most end up causing you the most pain. So is it really worth it and does it really get better like everyone says. Never set your hopes up in life. They will just crash and fall right in front of your eyes. Life even seems to be unbearable so what do you do. Never give up no mater how hard it seems. Cry yourself to sleep every night if you have to. Learn to love yourself, to never let what anyone else fails to do bring you down. Sometimes you just have to say forget it all, break down and cry, scream, punch a wall, whatever. Don't take the hurt. Let the tears come and flow because the pain is not worth it. You can never rely on any one but yourself to be there for you. Give you the best you can offer. Learn that no matter what happens you will survive. There is so much hurt and it's hard and it sucks but every time someone say "I will always be there" there not. They leave. You can't let it control your life. But I am and I have and when I look back I do not like it, when I look ahead I am not sure of what I see. I take care of me and my own. No one else. You're not gonna control me. Its not easy but I'm not gonna take any thing less than what I deserve from you. I hope I'm wrong and that this is all one huge mistake. I'm not gonna fall for you and let you hurt me like everyone else. I'm not gonna open up and learn to trust you because I know you will never be there. I wanna believe everything you say to me but I can't and I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry about everything. I want you so badly to be here for me but I guess thats just not going to happen. So I'll learn to move on. To love myself. To hold my head up high and hold back the tears.