Fight Of Life

She stands in front the mirror
Not liking what she sees
A hopeless broken girl
Whose beauty doesn’t fit her needs
As she looks at her reflections
She wonders to herself
Why cant I just be pretty
But no im not good enough
Cause her body is imperfect
An the truth she wont (cant) believe
That shell ever be thin enough
For her to be received

So she tries to change her life
Makes her body skinnier
To be the girl (one) he wants
And finally be fitter
But until that day comes
She’ll do what must be done
To be the girl she dreams to be
And finally belong to someone

My Struggle

Every time I look in the mirror, there is a part of me that doesn't like what I see. I look down and I see this pouch. It almost looks like I could be pregnant and starting to show. That really gets to me. Part of the reason is every time I see it, I see the only thing I want in life: to be a mom. It hurts that I can't be there yet, that I don't have my baby girl to make me feel important. Anyways, I just see this pouch. I step on the scale and the numbers seem to keep going up no matter what I try. No mater how much I eat, how much I don't. How much I work out or how much I don't. It never satisfies. The thing that sucks the most is whenever I tell my friends my "happy weight" they get upset. They tell me I'm underweight as it is and think I'm trying to kill myself. I'm not. I want to look good, really good but its so much more. It's a struggle mentally and physically. Whenever I eat I feel sick. My body can't handle the food. Sure it keeps it down but not without taunting me. I lay in bed and cry every night. All of my friends are mad at me about it, even pissed. They think that I won't listen to them, that I'm choosing this but really I don't think I am. Truth is I'm scared to death. I don't know what this is. I don't know if this is a real issue or not. I try seeing what they do but I can't. They won't even try and help me understand which is the thing that hurts so much. All they do is yell which makes it that much worse. What if this is something I don't have anyone to turn to. I don't have anyone who wants to understand and try to help. I'm alone and I'm scared. It's starting to come of as maybe they don't care I honestly can't tell you. All I know is this, I'm not making this up and choosing to be this way. Even as I type this my body is fighting with me trying my hardest not to get sick. Starving doesn't work which is why I wont do it. I eat foods that help you lose weight and less and less if I can. I want the numbers to go down. I need a friend though. Someone to understand this and try to see it as I do. Y'all pushing me away makes it ten times worse. You know I love y'all so much, you're everything to me but I need your help and support on this, not your anger and judgement. So please be here for me.

love sucks

that was one of the hardest things i have ever done in my life. now i know how he feels, the complete opposite of me or so it seems. it sucks cause u mean so much to me. i feel like crying even though i know it could never work out. you were hers first always have been always will be and now everytime i see u i pray to god it wont be weird. i dont wanna lose u i cant. ur one of my favorite guy friends and you mean the world to me. so i guess this is it u know u never knew and never would have been a ble to guess but its true. heres hoping i dont cry to much over u. i love u and i always will. ur amazing and any girl will be lucky to have you but she better watch out cause i will always be right there.

Life

You can't trust anyone or believe anything anyone says. The people you love the most, hurt you the most which makes it that much harder to leave them. What is the point though? Being friends with them to relive and hope you will have more, fun memories in the future while for now your tossed aside like a piece of trash because they have someone else, someone better. A boyfriend, other friends, just someone who makes them treat you as if you don't matter. Some times it makes you not want to be here. Especially when they don't even seem to remember the intimit memories of people that they should know as your best friend. Well that's up for you to decide. Personally, I don't want to lose you, but you don't seem to want me around. I'm appologizing for the way you're acting which is not right. I can't be one of your "I-need-you-for-something-else" friends. I don't even know how to love myself anymore after the way I have been treated by you. Time heals wounds. I just know that if things don't start to change fast, I'm not going to be far from a disaster. Here's to hoping all turns out right.

Strength Through Pain

She starts the day by going to school

where of her pain nobody knew.

The bruises and marks were often there

and people would stop an stare.

They wanted to help but didn’t know how                               

so they just let it continue on.

When she would come home

she’d sit in her room alone

till he got there pissed again

looking for a way for his anger to end.

A slap across the cheek

often was enough to make her stomach weak

but would he stop there oh no my friend

he had to continue to hit her again an again.

“You worthless piece of trash

  don’t you know your place is last?

  You’ll never be good enough no matter what you do

 So why don’t you stop. I never wanted you!”

That little girl knew better than to cry

and when people asked about her life she always had to lie.

She grew into a suicidal girl

the thought of her past made her want to hurl.

Took a knife and tried to cut

let the blood and pain flow out.

The scar on her arm when often saw

was said to be from a fall.

People believed it was true

so that is what she learned to do.

This story gets better though you see

           

she tried to change herself completely.

One very lucky day at school

she meet a girl that was new.

Through out the year they became good friends

the girl turns out to be the one that helps her in the end.

Not necessarliy based on real or fictional events

Promises From A Friend

I’m always here for

Anytime you need be baby

I actually want to listen

To the problems in you life

I want to hold you close and

Tell you every things gonna be alright

You can move in with me

Anytime you need a place to stay

Come to me

And ill help dry

The tear on your face

I love you so much

I don’t want you to hurt

Like I have in the past

You’re my sister

My other half

Just remember baby

You’re the stronger one

Sorry

Your not wasting my time

You know I promise

To be here when you need me

Oh but just remember

I Love you too

You don’t need that

Nor do you deserve it

You cant control

How people act

Your pain is real

I feel it too

I’m a shoulder you can cry on

Anytime you need

And if you ever feel

The need to talk

I’m good at listening

And sometime have advice

You can talk to me about anything

I hope you know that by now

I care about you so much

And the struggles of your heart

I have your back

No mater what you do

Don’t let anything or anyone

Tell you that your not good enough

Cause your problems are

Just as important as anyones

Ill help you with anything I can beth

I hope you know its true

Don’t ever forget

I’ll always be here for you

Co-written by some of my closest friends

Happiness is a Lie

Happiness doesn't seem to happen anymore. It's all one can do from going crazy in life. Friendship seem to crash right in front of your eyes. People who you love the most end up causing you the most pain. So is it really worth it and does it really get better like everyone says. Never set your hopes up in life. They will just crash and fall right in front of your eyes. Life even seems to be unbearable so what do you do. Never give up no mater how hard it seems. Cry yourself to sleep every night if you have to. Learn to love yourself, to never let what anyone else fails to do bring you down. Sometimes you just have to say forget it all, break down and cry, scream, punch a wall, whatever. Don't take the hurt. Let the tears come and flow because the pain is not worth it. You can never rely on any one but yourself to be there for you. Give you the best you can offer. Learn that no matter what happens you will survive. There is so much hurt and it's hard and it sucks but every time someone say "I will always be there" there not. They leave. You can't let it control your life. But I am and I have and when I look back I do not like it, when I look ahead I am not sure of what I see. I take care of me and my own. No one else. You're not gonna control me. Its not easy but I'm not gonna take any thing less than what I deserve from you. I hope I'm wrong and that this is all one huge mistake. I'm not gonna fall for you and let you hurt me like everyone else. I'm not gonna open up and learn to trust you because I know you will never be there. I wanna believe everything you say to me but I can't and I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry about everything. I want you so badly to be here for me but I guess thats just not going to happen. So I'll learn to move on. To love myself. To hold my head up high and hold back the tears.